Una enfermera casada se enamora de un paciente que moría de cáncer

Kelli no creyó en el amor a primera vista, hasta que conoció a John. En el instante en el que se vieron a los ojos por primera vez, supieron que debían estar juntos.

Pero Kelli estaba casada, y John era su paciente en la clínica oncológica donde trabajaba. Parecía que el universo conspiraba para mantenerlos separados. "Yo llevaba dos años en un matrimonio no muy saludable, intentando convencerme de que mi matrimonio y mi familia no estaban cayéndose a pedazos", cuenta Kelli..

"John había sido diagnosticado recientemente de melanoma metastásico en etapa 4, y había sido referido a la clínica por tratamiento. Sabía que él era un ser humano especial desde la primera vez que nos conocimos. Simplemente no sabía lo mucho que impactaría mi vida."

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Eight months. It’s so weird to think that it has been 8 months since I last held John. The time has absolutely flown by; I remember so little of these last 8 months, I am living on autopilot I’m sure. In 8 months without John I have fallen into new routines, I’ve made new friends, my work has changed, I’ve changed; drastically. I wonder often if he would even recognize the person I’ve become, and It makes me so sad to think about it. Grief and loss changes you in ways you’d never imagine. At 8 months out, I still have moments (sometimes daily) that bring me to my knees (The grief wave analogy is entirely too accurate). I still find that not a minute goes by where I am not thinking about John. I still find funny things I want to show him, I still have moments where I want his advice, his listening ear, and there are moments where I still pick up my phone wanting to call him on my way home. I just miss him; my soulmate. Soulmate sounds so cliche, I know. But soulmates are real. And John Webber was mine. It’s so unreal that before I know it, a year will have passed. I still live very much day to day; I can’t think ahead right now because it’s just too overwhelming. I am trying to plan adventures I know he would love because that’s what keeps me going. I know that’s exactly what he would be doing if he were here. It’s weird to be 29 and have no idea where my life is going. But, onward, I suppose. I freaking love you, JW. Always and forever.

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Cuando John completó su tratamiento, Kelli sinceramente asumió que sería la última vez que se verían . No tenía idea de que, más de un año después, el destino volvería a unirlos. "Había comenzado un nuevo trabajo en el hospital, estaba divorciada y me había mudado a un pequeño dúplex cerca de mi trabajo", cuenta.

"Tenía un perfil de citas en línea, y estaba viendo perfiles casualmente de vez en cuando. Estaba de pie en mi cocina comiendo comida a domicilio en la caja, cuando de repente, un nuevo perfil apareció en mi pantalla: el de John. Y ahí estaba esa devastadora sonrisa mirándome desde mi teléfono. Le dí me gusta, él también, y el resto es historia."

En cuestión de una semana, Kelli y John tuvieron tres citas y rápidamente se hicieron inseparables.

Parecía una locura, pero al poco tiempo era imposible separarlos, y buscaban cualquier excusa para estar juntos.

"¿Recuerdan eso del amor a primera vista? Esto fue así. El verdadero. John y yo teníamos una conexión de otro mundo. Es difícil describirlo si no lo has sentido. Él era mi alma gemela, y yo la suya."

"Teníamos los mismos pensamientos, terminábamos las oraciones del otro y compartíamos un único, íntegro y puro amor por el otro. Era algo hermoso, milagroso y rarísimo", detalló. La pareja siempre supo que había la posibilidad de que el cáncer de John regresara.

Al tener cáncer en etapa cuatro, incluso si los doctores determinan que "no hay evidencia de la enfermedad" en tu cuerpo, aún estás repleto de células cancerígenas. "Son pequeñas células de cáncer microscópicas, flotando y esperando a asentarse y hacer tumores", dijo Kelli.

"Como lo explicó John sin mucha delicadez, es como tener una guillotina colgando sobre tu cabeza. A John le dijeron que tendría que seguir en tratamiento inmunosupresor el resto de su vida. Afortunadamente, era un tratamiento con pocos efectos secundarios, y vivimos el año siguiente felices."

"Estábamos profundamente enamorados. La vida era perfecta. Tan completamente perfecta", agregó. Pero su idilio terminó en septiembre de 2017, cuando John comenzó a vomitar incontrolablemente. No podía retener ningún alimento. Kelli lo llevó al hospital más cercano, donde esperaba ya la madre de John.

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A year ago today, I asked John if he wanted to get married. That’s right, I asked him. 😂. He had just been discharged from the hospital, and was given a bad prognosis. At that point, we really didn’t know how much time we had left together. John had said several times that he couldn’t wait to be declared cancer free so he could propose to me. He had set that as his goal; to beat cancer, then marry me. I think on this day a year ago, we were so scared that it might not ever happen. So as we were sitting on the couch outside discussing the what if’s, I looked over at him and asked if he wanted to get married. He of said yes of course, and we held each other and just cried. Hard. Deciding to get married just felt so right. It just so happened we both had family coming into town the following weekend, so we decided to plan our dream wedding in one week. I have a video of us face timing Johns parents telling them the news. I’ve watched it about a dozen times today. The look of excitement on his moms face, and then shear panic when she realizes it’s the following weekend, makes me laugh every time. The week leading up to our wedding was the best week of my life. John was feeling good, his treatment seemed to be working, we had lots of family and friends around, and I was getting ready to marry my person. John and his parents gifted me my wedding band, which was from several generations back. It has initials of the family members who have worn it. I am going to add mine and Johns this week. ❤️ It is my most prized possession. I miss John so much it’s almost unbearable at times. I still can’t believe how different my life was just a year ago. To say this is going to be a really hard week is an understatement. Our anniversary is 10/8, and I am planning a hike to Mailbox peak to celebrate him. To celebrate us. I am still trying to accept this is the life I am going to live; one without John, my person. His love was truly once in a lifetime.

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John fue ingresado para unos exámenes, mientras Kelli volvió a casa a prepararle un bolso con ropa. "Nunca olvidaré la llamada telefónica de su mamá. Dijo, 'Kelli, el cáncer volvió. Tiene un gran tumor enredado en los intestinos. Lo están transfiriendo a la universidad'. Me senté en el piso de nuestra alcoba y lloré", cuenta Kelli.

Fue en este punto que la pareja decidió contraer matrimonio. Se casaron en una hermosa ceremonia en el jardín apenas meses antes de que John fuera operado para sacar el tumor. En un principio, los doctores estaban seguros de que el cáncer había desaparecido, pero un examen en marzo de 2018 reveló que se había esparcido a todo su cuerpo.

"La fe de John de que él vencería esto jamás se quebrantó. Una noche, sentada en la cama del hospital con él, dijo 'quiero tanto que este sea nuestro cuento de hadas, nuestro felices por siempre. Tengo que vencer esto. Por tí, por nosotros'. Pero yo sabía que el tratamiento no estaba funcionando".

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It’s been almost three months since I said goodbye to John for the last time. It’s unbelievable that it’s been three months since I have held his hand, smelled his hair, and snuggled my face into the crook between his should and neck. How is that even possible? I am very aware now that this is my new life. John isn’t coming back, and this isn’t some horrible dream. It sounds crazy, I know. But when someone who is your everything is ripped from your life, your brain does some crazy things to “make it”. I have these moments in time where I think back to memories I have with John. They are so vivid; the emotions that I felt in those moments come rushing back, I get butterflies in my stomach. And then the cruel reality that these are just memories come straight to the forefront and it literally knocks the wind out of me. My anger is ever prevalent; why did this happen to him? To us? Why did a new drug come out literally the week after he died? A freaking week. What the actual fuck. Why do shit people keep on living while John is dead? And goddammit, I miss and long for what could have been. What was supposed to be a long, beautiful life together. It’s just all so fucked. My guilt, even more prevalent. I didn’t do enough to save him. I let him jump into his last treatment which I knew wasn’t going to work, and would weaken him to the extent to which he couldn’t fight anymore. I didn’t push for more options, I didn’t do enough. It kills me. It really kills me. Numbness. I feel nothing, a lot. Besides missing John of course. I am grateful for these moments though. It gives me a break. I can push myself to physical extremes because I really feel nothing at times. Such. A. Trip. In the last three months I have also done so much that I thought I could never do. I said goodbye to John, something I thought I could never survive; and somehow I am still here. I have pushed myself to physical limits I didn’t know possible, I have learned to put myself first at times so I can heal. I have learned that I am far stronger emotionally, mentally, and physically, than I ever knew. All because of John of course; he taught me by example. Continued in comments.....

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Kelli recuerda estar sentada en la habitación del hospital, mirando los ojos de su marido. En vez de su hermoso brillo, estaban apagados, con un tono amarillento por el tumor que se adueñaba de su hígado. Sabía que era el momento de decir adiós, y ese mismo día lo llevó a casa para cuidar de él hasta su último aliento.

"Era mi turno de proteger a John", dijo Kelli. "Le dijo a todos que se iría a casa a ponerse más fuerte. Yo era su porrista, fingí valentía y lo seguí. A pesar de que los dos sabíamos que era el final, ninguno de nosotros quería admitirlo, teníamos que proteger el corazón del otro."

John exhaló su último aliento en brazos de Kelli poco tiempo después. En sus últimos momentos, Kelli le susurró todo lo que quería decirle, lo feliz que estaba de que tuvieran ese tiempo juntos. "Echados juntos en silencio en nuestro cuarto poco iluminado, John tomó su último aliento y se deslizó tranquilo al más allá a las 11:15 PM", contó.

"Han pasado 10 meses desde que dije adiós. No sé lo que la vida me tiene preparado en esta nueva aventura. No sé si me enamoraré de nuevo, si quedarme en nuestra casa, o incluso en el mismo estado. Sigo viviendo mi vida día a día, a veces momento a momento, es todo lo que puedo manejar."

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My sadness and longing for John is crippling today. I spent a lot of time crying, sniffing his shirts (they still smell exactly like him) and looking at photos. I am trying to figure out how to exist in this world without him. How to keep waking up in an empty bed, or sit at our table with an empty chair across from me. How do I go on alone forever, without my John? I miss him so much I have literal physical pain. Pain I didn’t know was possible. It’s indescribable. It’s such a weird and horrific feeling to know he is gone and there is absolutely nothing I can do to ever have him back. Nothing. His beautiful, physical body I loved so much is ashes now. His hands I loved to hold, his forehead I loved to kiss, his strong arms that held me so tight, they are just gone from my existence. I am 28. I am a widow. My friends are getting married, starting families, going on vacations. I’m sniffing shirts in a closet, doing endless amounts of death paperwork, sobbing on my bathroom floor wishing an asteroid would hit me, and wondering where the fuck I even go from here. How is this even remotely fair? For me? His family? For John? who wanted nothing more than to live more life. He always said he wanted our lives to be that fairy tale, we wanted to grow old together so badly. This is grief, and loss. It’s freaking raw. This is being a widow. This is losing your best friend, your better half, your soul mate. This is my reality. I am living second by second just trying to make it through each minute. This is somehow real life. This is grief. And it shouldn’t be taboo.

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En otro conmovedor caso, un veterano logró cumplir su último deseo escasas horas antes de que su vida llegara a un trágico fin tras sucumbir ante una dura y prolongada enfermedad.

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